“I Love You”

Lauren had been on my mind frequently with Valentine’s Day coming up, not that she ever really leaves it. This day of “I love you’s” that most people look forward to and that I still gave her valentines and a little gift, even at 21.  What kept coming back to my mind was those “3 little words”.  You see I sometimes had trouble telling her that…oh for various reasons.  She would tell me and when I didn’t always say it back she would try to coax it out of me.  Maybe I wasn’t “loving” her right then cause we had fought or I just didn’t feel like saying it.  Now I always loved her but sometimes didn’t “like” her right then and if you are a parent you know what I mean.  I always told her I wanted to say “it” when I felt it not just because someone had told me first…parroting the words right back to them.  She would say…”But Mommmmm….”.  Before you misunderstand, I said those “3 little words” more times than not…but not always.

The Friday night before she was killed we went out to eat with our “Nacogdoches” family.  Bryan and his brother live in Lufkin and their parents, one set of Lauren’s grandparents, live in Nacogdoches.  Since Lauren, the first grandchild on that side of the family was born, they have come to Lufkin on many Friday nights to see us.  So it was Lauren, Mimi, PawPaw, Todd, Julie, Elise, Bryan, Taylor and I having supper at Cotton Patch.  Taylor, her brother, was working 2 jobs and had called in sick to his night job, although that was not the norm.  So the four of us, as our family unit, were together one last time.  We all laughed, visited, joked, hugged and the “girls” made plans to go see Hairspray at Temple Theater.  The last thing I said to her that night was…“I love you”…I meant it…I felt it…I wanted her to know.  I have no regrets in that department and am so thankful God gave me that last opportunity to say those 3 simple but powerful words to my beloved daughter.

I love you Lauren…..Mom

3 thoughts on ““I Love You”

  1. I’m having a “difficult” time loving my 16 yr. old’s actions right now, reading your post just made me actually realize it is his “actions” not “him” that I’m struggling with….THANK YOU for the right words I needed to hear to understand what I’m feeling and that I’m not alone.

    Love you Suzanne,
    -SANDY

    • Love you too Sandy. Raising children is hard and we make mistakes trying to train them just as they make mistakes trying to grow up. Yes, we love them always but not their actions at times. We just have to do our best by giving them a firm foundation in Christ and pray…pray lots.

  2. Every parent knows that feeling well! But I have to say, after what you and others have been through these past two years, even when I am so angry with their actions, there is a voice inside my head reminding me that every moment is precious; life is just too short; and in a blink they could be gone. That doesn’t mean I don’t get angry or lose it sometimes – but you have definitely taught me to appreciate them much more. Your daughter has left an incredible legacy behind…and that is due in part to the wonderful parents she has!

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