SFA Recipients 2014-15

We were unable to attend this year’s scholarship reception at Stephen F Austin State University that was held in late March.  We had picked two deserving young ladies and we wished we could have met them in person to learn more about their dreams for life after graduation.  Good Luck Ladies.

One, Samantha Harris, graduated in December 2014 and we wish her well in her post college life.

Ms. Samantha Harris

Ms. Samantha Harris

The second, Adrianna Damani, will be graduating with honors in May.  Adrianna is deciding if she wants to “garnish her degree” by attending either Johnson and Wales University or Auguste Escoffier School of Culinary Arts.  Either of those courses will allow her to finalize her degree in baking and pastry arts.  Her goal is to one day own her own bakery.

Ms. Adrianna Damani

Ms. Adrianna Damani

The Stone by Jessica

This blog article by Jessica gives an excellent “visual” description of the life of a grieving parent.  I am often at a loss for words on describing my life since Lauren’s passing.  I couldn’t have said it any better.  I have carried my “stone” for 5 years now and it will be with me until my last breath.

The stone

A post I wrote several years ago about what a grieving parent needs has been recirculating lately, putting me in touch with so many newly grieving moms. When I read their stories and the pain running in between and on top of their words I’m reminded of how far I’ve come and how close I am to still being right there.

The best way I can describe grieving over a child as the years go by is to say it’s similar to carrying a stone in your pocket.

When you walk, the stone brushes against your skin. You feel it. You always feel it. But depending on the way you stand or the way your body moves, the smooth edges might barely graze your body.

Sometimes you lean the wrong way or you turn too quickly and a sharp edge pokes you. Your eyes water and you rub your wound but you have to keep going because not everyone knows about your stone or if they do, they don’t realize it can still bring this much pain.

There are days you are simply happy now, smiling comes easy and you laugh without thinking. You slap your leg during that laughter and you feel your stone and aren’t sure whether you should be laughing still. The stone still hurts.

Once in a while you can’t take your hand off that stone. You run it over your fingers and roll it in your palm and are so preoccupied by it’s weight, you forget things like your car keys and home address. You try to leave it alone but you just can’t. You want to take a nap but it’s been so many years since you’ve called in “sad” you’re not sure anyone would understand anymore or if they ever did.

But most days you can take your hand in and out of your pocket, feel your stone and even smile at its unwavering presence. You’ve accepted this stone as your own, crossing your hands over it, saying “mine” as children do.

You rest more peacefully than you once did, you’ve learned to move forward the best you can. Some days you want to show the world what a beautiful memory you’re holding. But most days you twirl it through your fingers, smile and look to the sky. You squeeze your hands together and hope you are living in a way that honors the missing piece you carry, until your arms are full again.

life after loss

– See more at: http://fourplusanangel.com/2015/02/the-stone/#sthash.J73KuKbl.dpuf

Life goes on…..

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Five years ago we didn’t know how our life would change…with a phone call…and less than 24 hrs later.  But life goes on…

Time stood still in the hospital…as we begged, pleaded, prayed, cried….as we talked to Doctors…

As we tried to understand what was going on…what had happened…and what the prognosis was.

But life goes on…

We were running on auto pilot…in a daze…in a fog…in total disbelief…when she “died” the next day…

A day that irrevocably changed our lives forever.

But life goes on…

Our days are now “remembered” and “judged” by that date…

March 7th 2010…

The day forever etched in our brains…in our lives…in our hearts.

But life goes on…

Life goes on as usual…for most people…for most of our friends…except 3 friend’s families…who are “living the same life” as us.

We couldn’t wrap our minds around our life without her…

for 5 minutes…

for 5 days…

for 5 months…

 and certainly not for 5 years.

But life goes on…

You have to put it to the “side of your mind”…because you can’t live…with it always at the front of your mind…. YET, it never leaves…it is always there…it is so hard.

But in order to function… to not go crazy… to stay out of the “deep, dark pit”

and to live the rest of days on earth… we have to…

Because “life”, such as it is for us now, goes on.

Lauren…We Love you till the end of time…

A Beautiful Wedding

Elise Wedding January 3rd was the day…our beautiful niece Elise married the man she loved.  You know from another post that we call him Sam, Skeeter, Slinky, Spunky…basically any “S” name Bryan can think of at the moment…cause he is bad with names…but we like him or we wouldn’t call him anything at all…lol.

Elise was a stunning bride in a long gown of lovely lace that was custom-made by a long time family friend.  Stephen was a handsome groom in his charcoal grey suit and black tie.  You could see the love in his eyes when he saw her Dad walk her down the aisle of the church.  The ceremony showed their love, some laughter and was very moving.  A nice touch was the audience witnessing them having communion together, for the first time, as a newly married couple.  I half expected them to sing at some point, as they both have great voices and can play the guitar, but they didn’t.  It was probably too much pressure and I don’t blame them for that… decorating the church and reception hall, rehearsing it all, making sure the flowers, cakes, people and clothes are there and hoping everything goes smoothly is pressure enough.

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The reception hall was nicely decorated with a netting canopy of white lights sparkling overhead.  It was rustic chic with doilies, flowers, books, candles and pictures on the covered tables.  They had a fun dessert bar, punch, hot chocolate and of course a pretty and tasty wedding cake and a chocolate tux grooms cake.  There was a small dance floor that everyone enjoyed…and the Father/Daughter dance was so sweet.  I did really well until Elise’s Grandmother, her Mother’s Mom that they call Granny, and I sat for a moment after it was all over.  We had been cleaning up the reception hall and I sat to chat with her a minute.  She held my hand and said “I have thought about you all day and how hard this would be for you to watch…knowing you wouldn’t have this special time” and tears started to roll down her lovely face.  I cried then…to have her think about me was so unexpected and humbling…she is such a sweetheart.  I told her it was a little hard but I had done better than I thought I would…and how I loved Elise and Stephen and wanted them to have a beautiful and perfect wedding day.  I also said I know Lauren would have loved to have been here to have helped Elise plan her wedding.  She patted my hands….we dried our tears and we moved on.  (*I also know in my heart… Lauren would have loved Stephen as we all do…and would have wanted to be there for her “little cousin” Elise and watch their love story unfold.)

I wish for them a lifetime of love, happiness and laughter…

and a few babies…when they are ready for them.

Elise Wedd

Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Andrew Matheny

Peace, Love, LAF

Sunday, November 16th, 2014 was a bitter, cold day in Nacogdoches, Texas… but that didn’t stop them… they bravely faced the cold journey ahead… ready to start running so they could get warm.  They had a purpose… a reason… and a goal. Some of the runners had different reasons for the race but they all had the same goal. Some of the reasons were… to challenge themselves… to get into better shape…to try a new sport… to finish the race.  Their common goal was to raise funds for LAF.

Our friend Ragin contacted us about 2 months before with an idea to raise funds for LAF.  There was a half marathon run scheduled for November in the Piney Woods of East Texas and he was gonna participate.  Ragin is from this ‘neck of the woods’ but has been living in the Hill Country for a while… and was eager to run back home.  Part of the race was to be run through the beautiful campus of SFA… and he thought of Lauren.  He wanted to invite friends to join him and raise funds for LAF.  Soooo… he gathered friends and they all gathered pledges… so much $$ per mile… or so much $$ for completing the race.  They worked together to name the team… Peace, Love, LAF and to design t-shirts for the race.  One ran the half marathon… that is 13.1 miles folks… and the others ran the 5K… 3.1 miles and that is a big feat for a new runner.  They donned their t-shirts and even had some of the other runners ask the meaning behind the shirt.  They also pointed to their shirts along they way to make sure the “official race photographer” got shots of their shirts.  And of course as they passed other runners and spectators along the route…they too saw the logo and website address for LAF.  In the days following the race we saw an increase in the number of visitors to our website.   I’m proud of all these friends…old and new…for enduring the cold, wet conditions that day… for finishing the race!!!… for raising funds for scholarships… for helping us spread the word about LAF.  Thank You Team Peace, Love, LAF you raised over $600.

Team Peace, Love, LAF  

Half Marathon: Ragin Cornelius

5K’ers: Cecilia Cornelius, Russell Harvey, Jordan Johnson, Keith Johnson, Kevin Lambing and Eddie Pepper  

Team Support:  Sean Dupre’ and Paula Korn

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Holidays are never the same

Holidays are never the same.

You never forget…

But they hit you harder.

You try to remember the good times…

eating “Uncle” Julie’s Christmas cookies till they make her sick…

the joy on her face at getting an Easter Basket while still in college…

handmade valentine cards written with love…

firework “shows” put on by her little Brother…

holding her candle sitting in the pew on Christmas Eve.

You can’t seem to get any of the Holiday Spirits back…

it’s just another day…

like all the rest…

another day without…

her smile…

her laughter…

her “poochie pregnant” belly hugs.

You put on a brave front and face the day…

like you do every day.

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We chose two again

2010-12-09_09-03-59.450We chose two recipients again this year for the Lauren Alston Memorial Scholarship in Hospitality.  Adrianna Damani and Samantha Harris both impressed us with their heartfelt essays and excellent grades.  Although they both sent eloquent thank you notes I wanted to share Samantha’ s note with everyone as she will be graduating in December.

August 22, 2014

Mr. and Mrs. Alston,

My name is Samantha Harris, and I am the grateful recipient of the Lauren Alston Scholarship.  I am a Hospitality Administration major heading into my senior semester at Stephen F. Austin State University, from Ft Worth.  After graduation in December, I plan on moving to Lewisville, Texas with my husband, and pursuing a career in event management.

 2014 has been a year of ups and downs for me.  In April, my husband and I decided to get married at the Fort Worth Medical Plaza ICU when my dad’s health took a serious decline, and we lost him shortly after.  The loss I felt, and still feel, is indescribable.  Afterwards, the thought of leaving my mom and sister behind to come back and finish school was almost depressing.  I even considered transferring to a school closer to home, but I knew my dad would want me to come back and finish, especially so close to graduation.  While growing up, my grandfather didn’t give my dad the support he needed to go to college expecting him to follow in his footsteps and take over the family air conditioning business.  It was something my dad regretted immensely because it put up so many road blocks as he went through life.  Because of this he always reiterated the importance of a college education, and that no matter what, he would make sure that we both had the ability to make a living and support ourselves.

Your support through this scholarship for my last semester is not only allowing me to fulfill my dream of a college degree, but also my dad’s dream for me.  You have taken a weight off both my shoulders and my mom’s, and for that I am eternally grateful.

With great appreciation,

Samantha Harris

And Samantha that makes us happy also.  We strive to reach out and help others as Lauren did.  We give scholarships in her memory, to give back as she also received scholarships, to help others fulfill their dreams of a college degree like she was able to achieve and also so she isn’t forgotten.  God bless you on your life’s journey and please lend someone else a hand along the way.

I’m thankful

I’m thankful:

That Lauren wasn’t killed by a drunk driver and I had to attend a trial and see pictures of her mangled body.

I’m thankful:

She didn’t have to live through a rape before dying.

I’m thankful:

We did not have to search for a body after an abduction.

I’m thankful:

She didn’t have to make a choice of jumping from a tall building or being burned to death.

I’m thankful:

She didn’t have to endure other agonizing, horrific ways to die.

I’m thankful:

She hit her head, was unconscious and didn’t know she would die.

I’m thankful:

She knew her Lord and Savior and now resides in His presence.

I’m also so very thankful:

I have only buried one child and I still have a living child!!

Love, Action, Faith Scholarship ~ Water Filter Buckets for Haiti

Water Filter Buckets ready to be assembled.

Water Filter Buckets ready to be assembled.

LAF recently awarded a Love, Action, Faith Scholarship to Bob Ford.  The scholarship was used to help buy Sawyer Water Filter Buckets for families in Haiti.

Bob said the following.  “The poor and the homeless are desperate for water, their tongues parched and no water to be found.  But I’m there to be found, I’m here for them, and God of Israel will not leave them Thirsty.” Isaiah 41:17

The past several years Lufkin FUMC has been involved in a collaborative effort with other churches, the Thomas Food project and the HAPI Women’s program in Mizak, Haiti to help provide items and services to Haitians.  Through these efforts, 600 Sawyer Water Filters has been distributed and provided clean water to 10 schools, 4 health clinics, 4 churches and several small Haitian businesses, as well as filters to several hundred families. In the next four months, six additional mission teams will be going to Haiti.  They will be distributing 650 filters, along with other services.

Below are the words of Emily Collins, a student at Texas State University, who has gone on several of these mission trips to Haiti, with the last one less than a month ago.  She will be going back in December and we are honored to give her a LAF: Love, Action, Faith Scholarship for her trip.  We look forward to hearing more about her experience afterwards.

Emily taught the Son how to  properly assemble his bucket.  He brought his Father back to learn.

Emily taught the Son how to properly assemble his bucket. He brought his Father back to learn.

I don’t think that I could say it any better than Jen Hatmaker in her book 7: “For whatever reason I was born into privilege;  I’ve never known hunger, poverty, or despair. I have been blessed, blessed, blessed—relationally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.”  In the weeks leading up to our trip to Haiti, my mind is usually focused more on what has to be done before I go and right when I come back than what I am actually preparing myself for… I’m worried about the small things that seem like top priorities. I am stressed about what items I should pack and hope that I hadn’t forgotten any of my snacks. As we sit in the Miami airport waiting for our flight to PAP (Port-au-Prince), platinum cards, careless spending, overpriced items and the reality of how good (and bad) Americans have it surrounds us. Once in PAP, we are thrown into the reality of those who actually know despair. Any problems, issues, stresses that were once on your mind, are gone. Because compared to these people, our problems are NOTHING. For those of you who say, “There are poor people in need here, in the US. Why are you not staying here to help them?”

Well, the US provides governmental services for those in need. If they are in need of water, there are public fountains, water hoses, etc. While in Haiti, you see no governmental aid. They are expected to fend for themselves. To avoid a rant, I will explain what we do in order to provide relief to those who truly are in need. Once in PAP, we travel to the coast of Haiti to Petit Goave, where we load our belongings, filters, and buckets onto a time-worn, hand-built sailboat.  Enduring a rough five-hour boat ride is the least of our worries due to the excitement overwhelming you as you approach the island of La Gonave. We docked at Source au Philip, where Bob Ford has arranged multiple prior trips. The villagers are ecstatic to finally see us again and some small children who are still unsure about the “blahs” arrival.

(Blah… blanco… white) Our days consist of sweating, laughing, playing with beautiful children, attempting to understand the elderly, and exploring the dry lands of the island. Lack of rain has brought more devastation to these villages in the recent months. Crops are burnt and cattle have suffered from lack of vegetation.

The children come to you with open arms and hearts. Their innocence and love for others are apparent in all they do. If we have dirt on our legs, they try to brush it off. If there is hair in my face, they try to push it behind my ears. They play with our hair as they exclaim “bel” (beautiful). You try to fight back tears because all you can think is how these young souls are truly “bel.” You look at the lack of clothing they have and you are ashamed of the full closet of clothes you never wear. You look down at your chacos, knowing your feet are protected… while seeing a young Haitian boy trying to pull a large thorn from his bare foot.  You don’t understand why they must suffer through the hardships while you are blessed to be an American… raised with everything yet still wanting more. You may think that these people are upset, depressed, etc. due to their living conditions. However, these impoverished people are filled with joy and hope for they believe the best is always yet to come. To make sure our mission is understood, we gather those who receive filters into a pavilion and allow our interpreters to go over basic sanitation and hygiene information. Without proper education, our mission will never be fulfilled. Rodney spends hours with the group making sure they understand the importance of sanitation and how to properly maintain the filter system. Simply put, the filtration system we use is produced by the Sawyer company. With each filter purchase, a filter, filter hose, filter cap, instruction sticker for bucket, hanging hook, and back flushing syringe comes included in the package. With this package and a five-gallon bucket, a family of four can have clean water for up to 10 years, as long as they maintain the filters by back washing as demonstrated by the interpreters. We drill holes into the bucket on the side about 2 inches above the bottom so debris can settle into the bottom of the bucket without blocking the drain hole. The hoses are easily assembled to the hole with the use of washers, followed by attaching the filter. Simply put, that’s it… drill a hole, attach a hose, attach a filter. Clean water. However, for most of the Haitians this is an entire new concept with things they have never used or even seen before… so it can be a struggle to make sure Grandma understands how to assemble the washers on the hose and to know which end to back flush from. If they do not understand how to use the filter & bucket, they will not go home with one. We are to make sure these buckets are being used, properly. Each filter/bucket costs $60. So, for $60, you can go buy a new shirt… pair of pants… or you can provide a family with clean water for 10 years. The best part of it all though, is seeing the excitement of those who have received their filter and participated in assembling it themselves. They are proud of that filter and what that filter means for their family. They exclaim, “Bob’s water, Bob’s water.” Bob Ford simply shakes his head saying, “God’s water, God’s water.”

Happy and Thankful... Father and Son...now able to have clean drinking water for their families.

Happy and Thankful… Father and Son…now able to have clean drinking water for their families.

Things can become overwhelming while in a third world country, you are NOT in your comfort zone and what you expected is probably not what you are going to get. Dirty streets with roaming hogs, dogs, donkeys and chickens.  If you are blessed with a toilet, you sure don’t put TP in it. You learn to answer to “blah.” You become accustomed to seeing nudity. You don’t judge, because that’s not your place. You respect their culture and what it means to be Haitian. You sing their prayer songs before each meal and you are thankful for the rice and beans prepared. In a world where we always want more, they just want enough… enough food, enough shelter, enough money to buy government controlled water cisterns. As a student at Texas State University, I feel like I’m always listening to students ‘bitch’ about what they don’t have or just how bad they have it. However, they have most likely never involuntarily missed a meal or went days without water to drink or a home to provide shelter. It’s not about your Kate Spade, Michael Kors, Nike’s, and smart phones… it’s about your relationships, your character, your future, your hopes and dreams.

Thank you Emily for sharing your journey and giving us a glimpse of the life in Haiti.  You are right…we are truly blessed to live in America…the land of  “more than enough”.  Thank you for heeding the call…through Love, Action and Faith…to show Christ love.

Emily in PAP

Emily and some of friends.

Emily and some of her new friends.

He still can’t…

One of my favorite pictures...I love how they are hugged up.

One of my favorite pictures…I love how they are hugged up.

We spent Fourth of July with friends and cousins in Fredericksburg.   We were at the cousin’s house in the country and they had some additional friends over that we hadn’t met before.  The new friends had a little girl who was about 7 or 8 years old.  She was the only girl and didn’t really want to play with the couple of boys her age that were there.  Somehow she and Bryan got to talking and teasing each other…he was “play scaring” her and she squealed and laughed.  They were having fun with each other and she stuck by his side for a while.  She sat beside him while we watched the fireworks being shot in the yard.  She sang songs from Frozen and he told her to sing them to me because she was a pretty good singer.  At some point during the evening she started calling him her BFF… Best Friends Forever.  She trailed after him and it was funny and cute.   Her parents, thought it was great how Bryan was interacting with the daughter and we all started calling him ” BFF” instead of Bryan.

 We were sitting in lawn chairs and chatting after the guys had shot off an arsenal of fireworks into the black night sky.  Bryan and her Dad were talking about “guys things”…in conversation the Dad told Bryan that the little girl was his youngest and he had two older children.  Then the Dad asked…”the question.” It took a few seconds but Bryan said “Yes, we have 2.”  I sat in silence…knowing what was coming next…I wanted to see if he could do it…he hasn’t been able to for over 4 years.  And here it came…the next question…”Where do they live… what do they do?”  I was sitting beside Bryan so I put my hand on his arm and waited…he opened his mouth and took a deep breath…and then held it… his mouth open to speak.  I lightly rubbed his arm and looked at him…waiting for his answer.  He couldn’t do it…he stared straight ahead….he let out his breath with a small grunt… and closed his mouth.  My heart broke…again… for him…tears started coming to my eyes.  I squeezed his arm…turned to the man… and answered for him.  “We have a son, Taylor, who is 24, lives in Lufkin and is a Diesel Mechanic.  We also have a daughter, Lauren, who was 21 when she died from a 4 wheeler accident, just over 4 years ago.”  I was proud that at least he didn’t leave when the conversation started in that direction…he usually does.   He just doesn’t like to share that part of our life with people who don’t know us…it is still to hard and painful for him.

At the San Antonio Zoo in 1997 or1998

At the San Antonio Zoo in 1997 or 1998

Breckenridge Colorado

Breckenridge Colorado 2008

My babies in 1990

My babies in 1990